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Akpos and friends
from admin on 06/29/2017 09:30 PMThree friends died in a car crash, they went to heaven to an orientation. They were all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy Abraham said, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”
The second guy James said, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”
The last guy Akpos replied, “I would like to hear them say, ehhhh he is ALIFE , ‘LOOK, HE’S MOVING!!!”
ReplyRomantic Shopping
from admin on 06/29/2017 09:18 PMThe following conversation ensued between Akpos and Emeka.
Emeka: Why do you hold your wife’s hand when you visit shopping malls?
Akpos: Because if Ileave her hand she’ll go for shopping. It looks “ROMANTIC” but actually, it’s “ECONOMIC”.
Boyfriend and Girlfriend
from admin on 06/29/2017 09:14 PMBOYFRIEND: After 3 years, I have to let you know I can no longer be your Boyfriend…
GIRLFRIEND: WTF! You can’t be serious right now… it’s cool though Josh, that’s why I’ve been having sex with your best friend for the past 2 years. YOU FOOL!
BOYFRIEND: Wow… really? I was about to say I can’t be your boyfriend anymore because I want to be your husband.
Five Minutes
from admin on 06/29/2017 09:04 PMIn Bed: It’s 6am. You close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45am.
At Work: It’s 1:30pm. Close your eyes for 30 minutes, it’s 1:31pm
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Educated Sons
from admin on 06/29/2017 09:00 PM
1st son : Degree in Economics.
2nd son: MBA.
3rd son : PhD
4th son : Thief
Neighbour: Why can’t you throw the 4th son out of your house?
Father : He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.
Wife v.s Husband
from admin on 06/29/2017 08:55 PMWife: honey can you please help me clean the garden
Husband: do i look like a gardener?
Wife oh am sorry honey, ok then fix bathroom door plz
Husband: do i look like a carpenter?
husband walks out, at returning, he finds the garden cleaned and the door fixed.
Husband: I knew my wife will do this all by herself
Wife: its not me
Husband: who then?
Wife: Jonny our neighbor
Husband: how much did u pay him?
Wife: No, he just gave me 2 options, bread or sex
Husband: i hope you gave him bread
Wife: Do I look like a baker?
Way to break heart before valentine
from admin on 06/29/2017 11:22 AM
1.16 Missed Calls? You Killed My Battery so you’re Capable of Killing Me… It’s Over!!!
2.You don’t even respect me. I’m talking and you are busy breathing? It’s over!
3.I called you and you picked up immediately. You lack patience. It’s over!!
4.I told u I love my food hot but you refused to warm the ice cream. You don’t care about me. It’s over!
5.I gave u 2 eggs, to boil one and fry the other. You fried the one you were supposed to boil and boiled the one you were supposed to fry. You are not obedient, It’s over!
6.I call u DARLING and you called me HONEY. Indirectly, you’re calling my mother a BEE. No respect for in- laws, pack your bags. It’s over…
Flooding in Lagos
from admin on 06/29/2017 10:39 AMThe following WhatsApp chat ensued between Akpos and his boss
Akpos: Boss, I won’t be able to come to work today.
Boss: Why ?
Akpos: It rained heavily in my area and the whole place is flooded.
Boss: You listed “swimming” as your hobby in your CV. So hurry up and come to work! I’m expecting you!
Akpos: Jesus Christ!!!
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iPhone 7 Plus
from admin on 06/29/2017 10:25 AM
The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his girlfriend
Girlfriend: Baby, we went to the mall today and I saw an iPhone 7 plus
Akpos: Did you like it?
Girlfriend: Yeeeesss!, baby, I swear I loved it.
Akpos: Okay. Tomorrow, I’ll give you transportation fare so that you can go and watch it again.
Akpos blasts lady
from admin on 06/29/2017 08:21 AMAkpos sits next to a girl on a table in a hotel
Akpos: hello madam?
Lady: what is it?
Akpos: sorry madam , just wanted to ask what the time is on your watch?
Lady: ehee …now you think my watch is used as a public clock huh? Go away and stop wasting my time
Akpos: but madam
Lady: shut up!!!
Akpos takes out his Apple phone and makes call
Akpos: hello John I just settled from Washington D.C can you please tell me what time it is right now so that I set my clock to the local time since it still reads American time? *she listens*
Ok, thank you and today don’t forget to come for the galaxy tablet that you requested * she listens*
Since my girl is still in America bring me a beautiful girl to spend my money with tonight Ok bye
Lady: sir the time is ….
Akpors: shut up !!!!!