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No Fishing
from admin on 06/29/2017 07:17 AMAkpos was sitting near a small pond with his fishing rod in the water. Then a man came to the Akpos…
MAN: You are not allowed to fish in that pond.
AKPOS: I’m not fishing, I’m teaching my worm how to swim.
ReplyChicken and Goat
from admin on 06/29/2017 07:11 AM
A chicken and a goat decided to take a walk. As they were walking, a car drove past them with speed and splashed some water on them.
The chicken took offence and said, “Look at how they drive, like goats!”
And the goat replied, “No wonder they die like chickens.”
Akpos and the Chinese man
from admin on 06/29/2017 07:04 AMThe following conversation ensued Akpos, an envagelist and a Chinese man
Evangelist Akpos: How are you?
Chinese Man: Am fine.
Evangelist Akpos : Do you know Jesus Christ?
Chinese Man: No. But you give me sample, I make for you.
Akpos meets Donald Trump
from admin on 06/29/2017 06:57 AMAmerican President, Donald Trump decided to paint the White House and hence availed the project for contractors worldwide to send in their bid.
A Chinese contractor bided 3,000 USD,
An European contractor says he will need 7,000 USD for the job;
Akpos, an African contractor who is based mainly in Ghana and Nigeria says he will take 10,000 USD.
Each of the contractors was asked to give details of their budget. Below is their budget breakdown:
Chinese: 500 USD for painting materials; 2,000 USD to pay my workers and 500 USD as my workmanship -I will hire 4 people.
European: 5,000 USD for painting materials, equipment/machinery; 1,000 USD for the machine operator and 1000 USD as my workmanship.
Akpos: (He whispered into the president’s ear)- I will give you Donald Trump, 4,000 USD; I will take 3,000 USD as workmanship and give the remaining 3,000 USD to the Chinese to complete the project.
Trump was confused.
Become a publishers in a minute . Click below link to access
viglink.com/?vgref=3488708
GCE Exams questions
from admin on 06/29/2017 06:52 AM
GCE MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER
Time: 2Hrs 30MINS
INSTRUCTIONS: ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS.
ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS.
You have dated a girl for 2 years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. (20 marks)
You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. (20 marks)
(For Boys) You’re dating around 15 girls and every girl is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s (a) Plot a graph of girls against prices of phones. (15marks)
(b) Use your graph to estimate your future poverty (5marks)
You are dating other peoples’ sisters yet you don’t want to see any guy with your sister. Calculate the Percentage Error in your Thinking Capacity. (20 marks)
You are a civil servant, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than 1,000ghc. Your daughter who is awaiting result is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy both worth 2,000ghc. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence. (20 marks)
(For girls) You’re a girl and you have dated 20 guys with hard labor, use the law of deminishing Return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. (20 marks)
You can’t give your wife 50ghc for a pot of soup, but you spend over 100ghc in bars and resturant. Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take π=3.142(20 marks)
BEST OF GOOD LUCK!
Advice from the invigilator: We are now in a new year. Please drop all your bad character.
Touch and follow
from admin on 06/29/2017 06:35 AMI fell in love with a girl called Amanda, but don’t have the guts to ask her out. So I went to see a native doctor popularly called “Baba”.
All he demanded from me was 1-month internet data subscription money which I paid and he gave me a ring called ‘Touch and Follow’.
He said, “All I need to do is touch her with this ring and she will follow.” I was excited because that was pretty easy.
The next day, when she was passing, I created a scene just to draw her attention and touched her like it was a mistake.
I was expecting her to follow me, but she didn’t, rather she moved on and was pressing her phone.
I was disappointed and went home. On getting home, I checked my phone and saw 9 notifications showing Amanda Paul is now following me on Twitter, Instagram, Keek, Badoo, Viber, sent me a friend request on Facebook, sent me a message on Whatsapp and 2go.
I called Baba immediately to inform him and he replied me,
“My son, we’ve upgraded everything is now digital! Bye to rural village, welcome to the global village. That was why I did not ask for a cock, the brain of a mosquito, a vulture’s eye and groundnut oil but one month internet data to keep me online.”
Become a publishers in a minute . Click below link to access
viglink.com/?vgref=3488708
The police station
from admin on 06/29/2017 06:27 AMAkpos at Osu Police station today. To his surprise, he saw a police man on duty reading a Bible.
So he went to the policeman and asked, “Who killed Abel?”
The policeman replied, “Ask Inspector Yakubu. He is in charge of murder cases.”
Terrible accident
from admin on 06/28/2017 11:23 PMAn accident occurred today. 11 persons were injured and 12 died.
So the Minister of Health promised to offer N5,000 to the injured and N6million to the dead for their funeral.
All of the sudden, one of the injured got up and moved towards where the dead people were.
Immediately, one of the dead people whispered to him: “Bros, go back to your place; do not bring confusion here, they have counted us already!”